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Feb. 10th, 2010

  • 4:02 PM
The nose that knows
Excuse me, Livejournal, I hate to sound unappreciative, but I really don't need you to email me 17 notifications when someone comments on my posts.

Feb. 10th, 2010

  • 8:31 AM
The nose that knows
Why will this fly (the one fly in the staff room), not take a hint? Why will it not give up. Why, after so many lunges, swipes, flicks and "Fuck off, fly!"s later, does it persist in buzzing and hanging around me?

Although, since none of my attempts is successful, this fly is probably wondering why this sweat-producing meat bag that is me, will not quit with attempting to evict it.

And I now amuse myself at the way in which the DET's firewalls can't pick an attitude and stick to it. On a regular basis, it changes its mind on whether my Yahoo mail, eBay and Livejournal are accessible. Often there will be a discrepancy between whether an individual site can be accessed from the laptop or the staffroom computers. Today, everything except eBay is accessible. Yeah, um, well done, block patrol, barring access to ebay.com.au, but totally ignoring the fact that there are many other international eBay sites that can do exactly the same job.

After resisting since the start of the year, I have cracked. [info]bizwac, will you marry me?

Feb. 9th, 2010

  • 8:07 PM
The nose that knows
Should I wish you a happy 90210 day today or wait until 2 September?

Feb. 9th, 2010

  • 3:06 PM
The nose that knows
And here he sits, before his year 9s. The year 8s robbed him of the desire to plan a lesson that involved him 'teaching', so he photocopied revision questions about their novel, handed them out, and there's a combination of working, pretending to work and conversations. But nobody's being vicious, and the students with whom 'bonding' was done yesterday are in this class, so he is happy.

He is now going to cease referring to himself in the third person.

A piece of pop culture schlock I discovered on Sunday must be shared.

I had become aware at numerous times that in the 1950s there was an American kiddie TV show called Winky Dink and You. My main interest in this Winky Dink character stemmed from the fact that anyone who grew up in Adelaide between the 1960s and the 1980s would have been familiar with a little pink duck puppet of the same name on various Channel 9 programs. In my day it was The Channel Niners, which was then turned into the national show C'mon Kids between 87 and 89 (DAAS expressed its concern over this title in one of its routines).

But I digress, the earlier US Winky Dink was a little cartoon-y character who interacted with a live-action host. The show's claim to fame was that it was interactive. Kids watching would have a 'kit' consisting of crayons and a plastic sheet that attached to the screen with static electricity. The host, Jack Barry (who incidentally also hosted Tic Tac Dough, one of the quiz shows that was part of the rigging scandals in the 50s) would instruct kids to draw something on the screen so that the pictures would be complete, and Winky could continue his adventures.

It all became very appropriate that I would finally see this show on the same day as the impressive-in-concept-but-overall-underwhelming 3D episode of Talkin' Bout Your Generation, which had many (including me) purchasing TV Week for the sole purpose of getting hold of the 3D glasses. I could respect the show for being so innovatively interactive, but the way that the host kept plugging the kit, and making sure kids who didn't have it knew how out of the loop they were, was a tad on the cringeworthy side. But the real highlight of the episode had to be when the host instructed kids to draw a pipe coming from some old guy's mouth. He was giving instructions about drawing a straight line, and then a circle or rectangle at the end of it. And then really encouraged the kiddlywinks with, "I'm sure you've seen your father or your brother smoking a pipe before." Try making that line sound so wholesome in 2010!

(btw, sometime during that last paragraph, the school rudely interrupted with a fire drill. I am now back and finishing this in an empty classroom)

While the show was on my mind, I went on Facebook and posted something on David Collins' (one half of the Umblicial Brothers) wall about this show, and asking him if I should congratulate them on having The Upside Down Show operate on imaginary remote controls, or mock them for not making millions off what could have been a very necessary piece of merchandise. His reply? "good question. i reckon mock us on both counts."

Feb. 9th, 2010

  • 12:45 PM
Stewie
Feral year 8s are ruthless little fucks.

And they don't even realise that, if they're going to accuse a teacher of something, they at least need to make their stories consistent.

I am too livid to write much more right now.

In which I randomly tag LJ friends

  • Feb. 8th, 2010 at 4:28 PM
The nose that knows
Hi, [info]ginmartini, how's your fridge?

So is it just me, or is it just a tad ironic that the anniversary of the Victorian fires was acknowledged with candle-lighting services?

So the weekend came and went, with my mental preparation for class programs, not entirely translating into written form. The days were largely consumed with fear of today's event. It may be my third year of teaching, but thus far my appointments have all been conveniently timed to avoid the despised-as-a-student-and-no-desire-to-revisit-as-an-adult event that is the school swimming carnival. There am I, wide awake in the small hours, wondering if I should motivate myself to go to the laundromat (the only establishment in Junee that is open late at night) to have something wearable for today. I must admit that the one perk of a swimming carnival is being able to say, "Fuck professional image" and go in loose, comfortable standard [info]cherry_pizza garb with my hair down. My early replies were laconic at best, but as the day went on I became quite adept at ignoring any "Sir, are you wearing your pyjamas?" questions. I was assured quite early on that being in a small country town does NOT prevent the day from being an 'out-do each other's bathing suit' fashion parade, and so the childhood loathing of these events was well and truly restored.

So, [info]bizwac, you have red blood cells. How's that working out for you?

So, I was awake into the small hours (really not that unusual for me, oh and [info]lady_lust, I was actually thinking about you moments before you poked me on Facebook), wakened, improvised clothes washing with hand soap, dried clothes at the laundromat, continued to attempt to avoid the day before me, but pulled myself into the shower at about 0820 (never in my working life have I still been bedly at that hour), got myself dressed and got out of there.

[info]sarahfer, I love what you've done with your... thing with which you've done something.

So, after hanging around doing not much of anything, wondering if people were noticing that I was not the least bit productive. There were a couple of "go and help out THERE" suggestions, but my presence in those places really had no effect on the event. There were numerous mentions of a list of assigned jobs, and that if I found the list I would find what I was supposed to do. Lo and behold, when I finally caught sight of it around lunch time, my name wasn't on it anyway... It was therefore concluded that my best function would be to take part in student-initiated 'bonding', which largely consisted of students making it clear to me that the school and the town is a hole, and taking part in fascinating discussions about my and their hair.

So, [info]ireth, how many days to go now?

When the principal made an appearance at the carnival, he told me that a) He's heard consistent reports that I'm doing well, and b) It's looking more and more likely that the person I'm replacing will extend her leave, so he wanted to know how I'd feel about staying on at the school beyond this term. As [info]spaciireth will verify, I had concluded over the weekend that, financially, it may be best if I accept an extra term at the school. After all, I am still waiting valiantly for my first lot of pay, and I can't commence the three month lease at the rental property until I have a proper pay. This would mean about 1.5 months I'd have to pay rent for after I leave, so, even before I form proper opinions about the school or the town, maybe the wallet will decide for me.

In happier financial news, I have again "misunderestimated" country hospitality. I was talking to the owner of the hotel, asking if I could pay him for five nights on Sunday, and then a week's rent the following Sunday, rather than paying for seven nights on Tuesday and being broke as a result. He simply instructed me not to pay any rent until I have received payment from the DET. Trusting and generous, I must say. But, y'know, since I really have nowhere else to go in Junee, and his daughter is in my year 11 class, I guess he's pretty safe trusting me.

[info]cassie_lee, I have not mentioned you once in this post.

The end of the swimming carnival kept feeling nigh, but they somehow managed to find excuses for yet another relay after yet another relay... thankfully my prediction that "Surely a relay involving teachers has to be the last one" was correct, and I snuck out while others were marking their rolls. My god I am glad that's over.

STOP PRESS: Remember that year 8 student last year who tried adding me as a friend on Facebook, then sent me an abusive message the next day about his report, then strangely fw:'d a joke to my work email the day after that? Well, while I was writing this journal entry, he just tried adding me again. Oh, that 'ignore' button feels so sweet.

So, [info]ginmartini, how does it feel to be the only person tagged twice in this post?

Feb. 5th, 2010

  • 10:44 AM
The state of education today
Apparently it is rude to 'eavesdrop' on a conversation a student is loudly having when he is supposed to be working. Apparently it is disrespectful to interrupt his conversation, the one he shouldn't even be having. Apparently I just won't share this wisdom unless I can somehow inhabit a year 8's mind. Yes, this is the same student from the 'nose blowing' incident.

Feb. 4th, 2010

  • 7:50 AM
The nose that knows
hello, Livejournal. Welcome to today. But before we get to heavily today-ing, let me share with you a special story of my yesterday:

  • I gently advise my year 8 class that I need quiet when I am marking the roll, and that only students answering their own names should speak.
  • While everyone else is following this instruction, one student decides to be disruptive.
  • I ask student to repeat the instruction I gave, he kindly advises that he doesn't know because "I wasn't listening".
  • I repeat instruction and re-commence roll marking.
  • I set up the DVD students are watching.
  • He makes rather extreme, exaggerated nose-blowing noises.
  • His friends express their amusement at this act of utter hilarity
  • Egged on by their response, he repeats this act of utter hilarity.
  • Since he has clearly moved into 'disruptive territory, I instruct him to go outside the classroom.
  • He defies, and continues treating his friends to utter hilarity.
  • Friends endorse utter hilarity and the three of them are ejected from the classroom.
  • His two friends are soon brought back in to the classroom while he continues to offer utter hilarity that can be heard inside the classroom, or can be seen through the small window in the door/the small bit of window visible under the blind.
  • I tell him to stop causing trouble, and he gives the first of many "All I did was blow my nose!" protests and "I didn't do nothing!" claims. He does not register my "If you didn't do nothing, then you did do something" response.
  • Cycle begins:
    • He attempts to draw attention to himself
    • I and rest of class ignore him
    • He crosses the line, usually involving opening the door and sticking his head in
    • I can no longer ignore him
    • He believes he finds loopholes in the instruction "Close the door, with you on the other side of it"
    • He protests that he was simply blowing his nose
    • Repeat about three times in 20 minutes
  • He is instructed to report to the deputy principal. He refuses.
  • He is again ignored.
  • I sit near the door, he makes faces and gestures through the window behind me.
  • I stand up, with my head blocking the little window in the door.
  • He announces that he can still see
  • He goes crazy tapping on the door
  • He gets distraught that he is not getting any reaction
  • He gets even more distraught that he is in trouble when "All I did was blow my nose".
  • He is removed from corridor, spoken to by others in charge, and refuses to acknowledge that seeking class' attention from outside the room, refusing to follow instructions or making loud, exaggerated noises is the least bit inappropriate
  • I do a slow burn.

Feb. 3rd, 2010

  • 11:04 AM
The nose that knows
I arrive at work early to prepare lessons. I look at my timetable. It appears that I have three lessons today: Year 12 (which I had already prepared last night), Year 8 (which will be spent watching the rest of Cool Runnings, and Year 9 (which will be spent telling students to shut the fuck up so that the class can read the novel). So that was... not the greatest move. However, when I am at the school I can get wireless internet on the humble little Education Department laptop computer. Little does indeed mean little. There is no way touch-typing can be done on these things, since fingers kept on the home keys would soon become extra crispy arthritic fingers.

So [info]cherry_pizza has often considered himself a humble little collector. Alas, he has at times been unfocused in his collecting and has had small random somethings. Muppet collecting has more than dominated this hobby, though, and his Muppet items sometimes almost come close to being on the brink of resembling a collection. Not to say he doesn't cheat on Muppets. He does indeed have his bits on the side. His current bit on the side is movie cups. The motivation was the promotional cups that cinemas use. Although at the moment a true focus has not been formed. A cup from a cinema which does not depict a movie, but has plastic tubing calling itself a 'crazy straw', has been included. From my browsings on eBay, it seems inevitable that movie-themed cups from fast (ahem!) 'food' places will be welcomed. Then you get the cups which come in press kits or merchandise packs which will inevitably be accompanied by non-cup materials. [info]cherry_pizza must remind himself to keep thinking 'cup', lest he clutch onto those flickering moments when he might have some sort of delusional idea that he is becoming a collector of movie memorabilia. [info]cherry_pizza, ignore all non-cup or non-cup-accompanying eBay listings. Also avoid movie-themed mugs or glasses.

OK, time to get ready for these year 8s. Free lesson ends and recess begins now.

Posted using LJ Talk...

  • Feb. 1st, 2010 at 5:08 PM
The nose that knows
Dear Livejournal,

Please to be showing [info]ireth and [info]cassie_lee's names properly in my previous post.

Regards,
[info]cherry_pizza

A pinch and a punch for the [info]cherry_pizza

  • Feb. 1st, 2010 at 4:42 PM
The nose that knows

First day of week two over. All I need to do now is harken back to the self-training from my Moree days, when I would get myself through Monday, remind myself on Tuesday that I was one day before the downhill slide to the weekend, and the working week ended up feeling very short indeed.

I don't know if the HT is starting to settle down with the hardcore helping, or if I'm loosening up and not making a big deal out of it, but dealing with her is getting easier. There was no moral, spiritual or philosophical basis to it, but I could see that I was wasting energy forcing myself to respond to everything she said with a meek or self-serving grunt. So convincing myself to respond as a human being has been a semi-effective survival strategy.

And while I'm indulging in the self-reflective stuff, it does seem that being in a small town in the middle of nowhere, is tinged with a touch of truth serum. Spending the weekend bored out of my brain, crying for release from the little town with no facilities, it appears that I must have something in me which I would profress to scorn in others, something which I would swear was not part of my identity. Whether I am indeed the snob who thinks he is 'too good' for the small town, the materialistic teenybopper who wants to feel validated by large establishments in my surroundings, or the generation X precursor to an emo who is determined to be unsatisfied, the weekend sure meant... something.

Anyway, on Friday, Alison (one of the other English teachers) suggested I rent a place in Wagga and contribute petrol costs to the carpooling teachers who commute between Wagga and Junee each day. I did warm to the idea, and went as far as looking at websites for Wagga real estate agents. However, I found out that I had been approved for the house in Junee. Since it's only $135/week, I am starting to like the idea of spending my week here and staying at some backpacker-ish accommodation in Wagga over the weekend. The one place I could find (which, according the Tourist Information Whatsit, is not a "backpackers per se, but has the share situation"... how that makes it different from a backpacker hostel is beyond me at the moment) is $25/night, so it's doable. Having already had the experience of being in a small town where everyone will know who I am and I can never escape being "the teacher", I am fairly confident that I do not need to "build character" by having that experience all over again.

Other notable events from the weekend?:

Being told by a student working at a local shop that I look like Seth Rogan

Having my nightly fee at the hotel dropped from $50 to $35

Finding vegan Tim Tams at a supermarket of a town that conceivably doesn't have the word 'vegan' in its vocabulary

Watching a ShamWow commercial and strangely expecting/hoping to hear the words "ideal Valentine's Day gift"

Scratching myself

It is now February. I have gone a month without proposing to anyone. I am about to crack and propose to everyone except <lj user="cassie_lee"> and <lj user="ireth">

Withering and dying like a hothouse flower

  • Jan. 31st, 2010 at 2:18 PM
The nose that knows
SOMEONE ENTERTAIN ME. THIS LITTLE TOWN IS DRIVING ME NUTS.

Posted using LJ Talk...

  • Jan. 29th, 2010 at 3:58 PM
The nose that knows
I was just lingering in so-close-yet-so-far-ness, so delighted to be on a computer that allowed access to the internet in all its glory. Now that the DET computers seem to mysteriously allow access to my e-mail, but block Livejournal, I am so thrilled to be absorbed in its Livejournaly Livejournalness. But then, when I clicked to post an entry, I was told by the library's censoring system that www.livejournal.com/update.bml <http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml> has been blocked because "You are seeing this error because what you attempted to access appears to contain,
or is labeled as containing, material that has been deemed inappropriate." I can log into the site, I can view my Friends page, I can comment on entries... but the update page contains 'inappropriate content'. If you can explain the logic behind this, you belong either in Mensa or on the writing team for a Beatles cartoon movie.

And now, the stuff I was not game to start writing when I was in the staff room: my Head Teacher is fitting very squarely into the 'irritating' category. Now, my understanding is that this is her first time acting as HT, and well, since I am the 'new guy', she may be overzealous in providing 'help'. Her incessant, obsessive 'help' is what is really getting to me.

Day one: When we are all tolerating the instructional speeches. The Deputy Principal says something about the different sign-on books that different people use. Her instructions are very clear and easy to understand, but this doesn't stop Ms Head Teacher from turning around and letting me know "That's the one that you'll be signing." Not only was her help not needed, but it was incorrect. Then, someone mentions something about the yard duty timetable that everyone has received. Ms HT responds to this by turning around and marking my timetable with a little x wherever I have duty. Yeah, I may be the new teacher, but I can work out what a timetable says, and believe it or not, I CAN FIND MY OWN NAME!

Day two (yesterday, first day with students): There is talk about changing the order in which I do units of work with my senior students. Yes, it is true that it might not be the best idea to be leading year 12 students in reading a play I have only picked up a day in advance, but when her reasoning is that nobody in the staff room has taught that play before, nobody has written a program and nobody will be able to 'look after me'. Maybe I haven't been teaching as long as these people, and maybe I could benefit from other people's ideas, but I have been to university just like them I am perfectly capable of writing a program. When I indicated that I am familiar with Wilfred Owen's poetry and can easily begin teaching it, that only gets an "Oh, good" reaction when I am told that other teachers have their own programs for it, and said teachers are eagerly encouraged to bore me with details of how they have taught it and to dump folders full of sheets on my desk. Now, I freely admit that I suffer from a bit of bloody-mindedness, and I have a slightly-obsessive desire to do things my own way, and I may be to blame for my own frustration here, but when it's a symptom of the constant non-help that is shoved in my face...

Day three (today): She comes in to the staff room and announces she has a diary for me, so I can keep notes about what I'll be doing each day. Yes, I know what a diary is, I ALREADY OWN ONE! She also insisted on introducing me to my year 11s today, and she told them that I will be at the school "as long as it's necessary". Um, I have been appointed to the school for one term. I have been told that I may be offered extensions on this because the person I'm relieving my be back, but please do not publicly say that I will be here "as long as is necessary". Are you assuming that it is a given that I will accept extensions if they are offered to me?

Today was a fairly good day. It was meant to begin with my year 12s, but their year level meeting took all of the first lesson, so I didn't see them. I had my year 11s twice, and I had managed to utilise DVDs of The Simpsons right from the start. The first time I had them, we watched a full episode, I had them summarise the episode and tried to get them to explain techniques used, explain how a message was given, but I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised that there was initially a bit of lockjaw during the first lesson of the year. With a bit of prompting, talk became slightly more free-flowing. The second time I had them, I explained that the poetry unit would be focusing on Edgar Allan Poe, so out came the Simpson-y rendition of 'The Raven'. Again, there was initially some hesitation and some umming and ahhing before people could contribute, but there was a lot of talk coming from what the poem means, how it gets its message across... it was when I started talking about how EAP was 'an emo' that I knew the discussion would fill the lesson. Today was the second time I've had the year 7s, and it seems the honeymoon is well and truly over with them. Seriously, kids, can you just occasionally shut up?

I'm sure there's a lot more to say, but I'm not sure what it is. My loyal audience, throw questions at me, and I shall answer them.

Teaching Pests and Junee-Bugs

  • Jan. 28th, 2010 at 9:18 AM
The nose that knows
Hello, world. Greetings from the English staff room at Junee High School, where he sits waiting to face his first day with students. There may be some solace in knowing that only years 7, 11 and 12 start today, which leaves me with just one class, that being a year 7 one. But anyway, the story so far:

Arrived here on Tuesday afternoon, oblivious to how the nation was flaunting its bogan pride on this year's Ostralya Day. I was greeted by the principal, who seemed to defy the image he'd given of himself over the phone, and in person seems more like the 'blokey' type. I was taken to the former-hotel-now-a-restaurant-with-B-&-B-facilities where I'll need to stay for the next week. Fan, airconditioner, fridge and TV in my room = :). The room is directly opposite the women's bathroom, while the men's is apparently around a few corners and down a couple of passageways. I found it amusing when the owner told me I was welcome to use the women's bathroom because "We typically don't get any ladies in here until the weekend". I'm sure that this contains some sort of message about the demographics of country accommodation, but I'm not entirely sure what.

Yesterday was confirmed to be a student-less day, so despite tying back my hair, I made no effort to create any sort of professional illusion with my appearance, and it seemed that most others shared my philosophy. Being so actively welcomed is a double-edged sword, methinks. Yes, I'm glad to not get cold shoulders, but when I am the pinball, and the numerous hands I shake are flippers and I am the pinball that is flung from person to person, I may have appreciated the chance to slip in a tad more quietly. I was glad to find out that I was very very far from being the only person who had trouble staying awake during the Powerpoint presentations with the "If we get through this, we can tell the Department that we've done it" vibe.

The day finished later than it was meant to, with the woman from the Department claiming numerous times that she was just going to whizz through her presentatation, but when that is said five minutes before the day is meant to end, and we end up leaving 20 minutes late...

I went back to the hotel to flop out, half-deciding to forget about my appointment with the real estate agency, since I was sure that there would be no such thing as a lease that would be my-appointment-friendly. After about 20 minutes of such floppery, I realised that my appointment time was still nigh, and the agency was a very short walk away. Long story short, the owner of the house I saw prefers a three-month lease, the house is a rather shabby chiche bachelor pad/student house, but will only be $135 per week. Methinks I may persue it.

There is more I could say, but it may not be best to do so when others have arrived in the staff room, so I guess I should put myself in teacher mode.

[info]cassie_lee, you have 63 days to post 188 comments. Still very doable, but stamina will need to be applied soon.

Free as a roast chicken

  • Jan. 26th, 2010 at 6:14 AM
Can't sleep - clown'll eat me
Oh, semi-comatose mind, how do you make your connections? Somehow last night, when thinking about competitive eBay auctions, my mind somehow took that turn a man's mind always seems to take. So there I am, thinking that I'm still thinking about eBay auctions, until I find myself believing that sniping means ejaculating at the last minute, to release the sperm that ultimately fertilises the ova.

Anyway, here I go again...

*waves bye bye to Sydney*

Happy Invasion Day, all.